Online News Paper

Cast: Akshay Kumar, Kareena Kapoor, Aftab Shivdasani, Amrita AroraDirection: Sabbir KhanDuration: 2 hours 24 minutesAt the onset, we would like to clarify that we love low brow. Because low brow can be fun. Because low brow can be a great escape. Because low brow can be therapeutic. And because low brow can be perfect paisa vasool.
Proof: Haven’t we given a howlarious thumbs up to films like Golmaal, Singh is Kinng, Welcome, No Entry and almost all of David Dhawan’s films. We would also like to lay bare our no-objection to crude and vulgar too. Because crude and vulgar is an indispensable part of our of non-veg gag bag. And everybody does have a repertoire of ekdum bakwaas jokes and videos. But truly, how low can you go?
Kambakkht Ishq hits an all-new low in several departments. First, it could easily win the award for the silliest story-line for sure. Consider this. Kareena, a super-model cum surgeon operates injured stuntman Akshay Kumar and leaves her heart-shaped watch, with an hourly alarm that blares `Mangalam-mangalam’, in his intestines. She wouldn’t care much about it if it didn’t jeopardise her career, because she actually hates Akshay. Reason? He’s a stuntman and more importantly, he’s a man, and she believes all men are dogs. So this man-hater gets desperate to lure Akshay back into the Operation Theatre and pull out her pendant, only because she wants to hang on to her surgeon-in-stilletos profile. And how does she do it? By seducing him into submission, jabbing an injection and hurriedly cutting him up again. For the stuntman too isn’t fond of her and all the other `bitches’ like her.
And here we come to the second abysmal point. Never has a Hindi film script ever been so derogatory towards women. Not only does Akshay incessantly address Kareena as `bitch’, he also treats all the other women around him as objects to be abused and literally flung around in bouts of fury. While Kareena ostensibly plays the bold, arrogant, successful modern woman — and turns her into a complete parody — the other women in the film are equally brainless. Lingerie model Amrita who marries Akshay’s brother Aftab doesn’t consummate her marriage because friend Kareena tells her all men are dogs and Hollwood actress Denise Richards wraps herself around stuntman Akshay because she wants to make `golden babies’ with him. Surely, that is neither funny nor sexy. In fact, this might actually be one of the most sexist films in recent times, all in the name of portraying the battle of the sexes.
Silly point number three: the Hollywood connection is a complete sham. If Superman Brandon Routh and Holly Valance have a split second role, then Denise Richards and Sylvester Stallone are just eye candy. They have nothing to do in the film, other than make a glossy guest appearance and win a peck and a Punjabi thank-you speech from the ever-grateful Indian hero. One abridged action sequence definitely wouldn’t be enough for Sly fans who would go looking for some John Rambo chutzpah in a desi flick.
So what really works in Kambakkht Ishq. Merely the gloss and a valiant effort on the part of Akshay Kumar to keep the laughs trickling in, here and there, with his off-beat sense of timing. But when the situations aren’t too comic, there isn’t much an actor can do to tickle your funny bone. Kareena, on the other hand, is a complete let-down. Despite her haute-coutured look, her micro minis, her pencil heels, she comes across as a completely unconvincing supermodel cum surgeon. It’s a laboured, pouty attempt to accentuate the oomph, when actually the actress doesn’t need to fake it. Remember her effortless and completely natural `Pooh’ act in Kabhi Khusi Kabhie Gham? Also, what exactly are Jaaved Jaaffrey and Boman Irani doing in this film? Again, two fine actors who bear the brunt of an under-written, clumsy role that’s neither here nor there. If Jaafrey’s a greedy NRI who calls himself a su-er (he loves to sue every American), then Boman is a one-scene doctor who is trapped in a Dostana-like sequence with patient Akshay. Not funny at all.Watch OnlineSurely, it take more than Jimmy Choo, Prada, Versace and LA to make a film that can tickle and entertain. Million dollar looks and a multi-crore budget can’t make up for characters and a kahaani.